Desperate for Money
By Jason Wallace
******
Published by:
Desperate for Money
Copyright © 2015 by Jason Wallace
Money is what we keep searching our whole lives for.
You get enough
And then look for more.
I never have that much it seems.
It's always gone
Cuz it streams away from me.
Sure,
I'd have to say I have it good,
But I know that if I could get more...
I would.
I'm greedy.
It's not like you're not.
You get all you can get.
We're only needy
For the possessions we don't have yet.
We don't stop
To help the ones who really need help.
If anyone ask about our deeds,
We say we're fulfilling our needs...
When all we're really doing is helping ourselves,
Allowing our kids to do what we did.
People tell us to spread the wealth,
So we spread it to our bank accounts.
If you saw inside,
You'd be looking in a mirror of pride,
A reflection of survival of the fittest delusional demons.
You have a collection of reasons,
But they are all false conclusions.
We are all so very desperate,
Desperate for money,
Desperate for all the things
We think we need to have.
Our desperation is our desolation.
What will be when it all ceases to last?
The houses we house our loot in,
The cash that matters so much
That some go out shooting,
The pain they all cause...
They are all things we could live without,
But we would live in doubt.
I've tried to find words
To convince others of their vanity,
But I find myself at a loss.
I guess I should work on me
Before I tell them what to do.
The evilness of the world does not alarm me.
It's what everyone learned in school.
Peace is never purchased
But only leased.
It's so seldom held
That most will never be able
To remember the way it felt.
It's not often openly received.
How many ever call someone a neighbor
When they are themselves haters?
Can't we push it back a notch or two?
What has anyone ever done for you?
Nothing if you don't let them join you in your joy
Or meet you in your mourning.
We wear our weariness on our faces
Until we have made so many mistakes
No one can save us,
And we send all surrounding residents
A preemptive warning.
We are all so very desperate,
Desperate for money,
Desperate for all the things
We think we need to have.
Our desperation is our desolation.
What will be when it all ceases to last?
Get away from me
Before you slip away from me.
I strip away my way
To feed my family.
I go out every day,
Seeking fortune and fame.
I never heard them say
Don't play life like a game.
I don't know my name.
It is not the same.
I changed it with the challenges I've faced,
Eroded it from the emotions I've erased.
What I'm trying to say
Is that I don't know the way.
I worked so many years
To have no treasures to show.
All that had endured for sure
Is that I can't stay.
Why do you look afraid?
You've prayed your prayers,
Fought your fears
And played all you have to play.
If your life were suddenly over,
Would you feel you've done all you had to do?
Did you reach someone else?
Did you only make things better for yourself?
Was there something left different
Than it was the day before?
When there is some marvel to see,
Some miracle spent,
Will there be a soul to remark it was yours?
We are all so very desperate,
Desperate for money,
Desperate for all the things
We think we need to have.
Our desperation is our desolation.
What will be when it all ceases to last?
Everyone is desperate,
Desperate for a better time.
From our births,
We have a reservation for desperation.
Some are desperate for riches...
While there are those desperate for their next dime.
We are all so very desperate,
Desperate for money,
Desperate for all the things
We think we need to have.
Our desperation is our desolation.
What will be when it all ceases to last?
We are all so very desperate,
Desperate for money,
Desperate for all the things
We think we need to have.
Our desperation is our desolation.
What will be when it all ceases to last?
Product
I’m worn out, worn down, torn down;
I’ve got a warning for you.
The hardest thing you’ll ever do
Is live through
All the pain, all the strain
Of being you.
Simply put, you’re simply put
Into a place that you never would choose,
Beaten like you intended to
Be what they want,
What they can’t be…
But you don’t fall in line,
So they can’t see
That you’ve got a life to live,
Got a lot to give
Before all your all is taken away
And spewed back at you.
You get a load of shit
That they manufactured for your mouth
To eat and repeat
And never spit it out.
So, just ask for more,
And leave it alone.
What do you try to be anyone for
When being nothing but a clone is all you own?
The numbing of the nothing that you’ve become
Is something for someone, but only for you
If you can’t try trusting,
Then you’re of no use
Because they have to fill you with their filth
And fit you with their noose.
If you don’t believe, then you have no excuse.
You didn’t accept their guilt and their gifts and their refuse.
You didn’t swallow their swill and follow their will.
Take note that the remote that controls your soul
Is in someone else’s hand; take that pill;
Choke on their lies; walk with blinded eyes.
You always have; you always will.
You’re nothing but a sorry story to sell,
A product to be bought up and bottled and remodeled,
And you buy in all the time, so, oh well.
The Machine
I used to think
That I could ever speak
Any words to anyone
That would mean anything
More than just to me,
Just to me
Every single time that I start to blink,
My eyes begin to twitch, and I lose my edge,
And it all seems that I freeze, unable
To come back down to a place where
I’m smart enough never to dream
Or try to be more than I am,
More than me,
More than just me
I’ve fallen down, so I’m falling in,
Right into line where they all want me to be
The all numbing sin is to give up the piece
That you fight so hard to find, grasping to seize,
Ever to keep, building up to get torn back down,
Burned and drowned, whitened like the masses of sheep,
And the only thing I have left is the drain from my skin,
The cut of the flesh, the wound that never ceases to bleed
I’m living off of the hand, the emplacing one, the un-embracing one
That is the only part of that machine that gives one damn to feed
Because you have to do what you’re told but be kept alive
Just long enough so they can suck away all the energy and product they need
You’re only what they make of you, so get ready to be
The restrained, damaged, demanded little scrap of meat,
Festered and blistered, shredded, bludgeoned, beat
Be like them; be like them, the others chosen for a life
Given away under the control of the whole of the ones
Holding your all til they eat, spit you out as some crumb, then repeat
Hopeless
Living like I'm in constant fear
I swear I don't know
Who I am
A life full of
So much regret
It tears apart my soul
I look in my broken mirror
I think I see a man
But the shape looks so cold
Indignant, indecent, recently,
A shred of dignity
Is all I ask myself for
Repentant but not enough penitence
Ignorant of how to carry on one day more
Careful contemplation of
My imagination of self-gratification
The face I'm facing is erasing any
Of anything I once felt
Feeling strangulation, exaggerating the inner aching
Taking myself for granted, losing what is left
Hoping I have a home I can call on
Because this place where I am
Is nothingness to me
Searching for something I can be proud of
I fall on
Nothing but
Misery
Terrified
Of a life
That I no longer want to live
So dead inside
Is there more out there to gain, to give
Alone again, unknown to the end
By anyone that could
Help me out of my hole and be whole again
Surrounded by shame
Turned around by so much blame
It seems that's all there is anymore
All I have left is my name
And more pain
Than any one person should
Carry with them yet still feel the same
As they always did before
Disheartened, hardened heartache
Dissipated, disillusioned, partly fake
Taking one day at a time
Enlightened yet so frightened
By knowing nothing but
Insanity plus
Memories that get mixed and misinterpreted
And make me lose my mind
If in the end, I find
Some bit of truth, of a sign
Of where I might go next
It could be worth
All the good, bad, and worse
And the worst yet to come
To figure out what hope I have left
But until that day
Come what may
I couldn't feel like less than I do right now
I might not have to end it all
To fix the fall
And might find some strength to fight some way, somehow
But all I know is low
All this time runs slow
It's more emptiness than one should be allowed
I wish for nothing more than some way out
Hate Me
Hate me
If it makes you feel so good
Since I could never make you
Feel anything else
Hate me good
Hate me now
If it gives you some answer to
Some question you’ve been
Asking yourself for so long
Hate me; please hate me
Hate me any way you want to do
Hate me now
Hate me
If it’s all that there is left in you
Hate me today, tomorrow, and the next
Until you’re drained of the remains of memory
Hate me; you know you hate me
Hate me in the sense
That you would never recommend
Anything about me but hating me
Hate me for everything I said I’d do
Hate me for how I tried
To give you more than an empty life
But couldn’t deliver it in time
Hate me; please hate me
Hate me down
To a nub of another numb,
Corpse at my core of all I am living for
Hate me like you swore you couldn’t give into
I’m torn in two, born anew
Of the hate you place, erasing the taste of me,
Except for the tragedy of happily
Accepting me when you said to me
That you could never be
Less than the whole that you were left
After being in a hole
So, hate me now,
And hate me down
Let me drown in the bitter water
Of bloody slaughter of all we ever had
So, hate me good, and hate me bad
Hate me again,
Even if you’ve tried
To walk away from this place of pain
Hate me and my name and my face
And my waste of your days here with
A man that gave you all he knew how to give
Hate me again
Hate me when
You think of everything, of anything
Worth more than hopeless dreams
That we shared so long ago
But gave to time
To pass us by
Laugh at me, and don’t ask why
Hate me for all you need
To be unafraid
Hate me the same
Hate me to shame
Hate me for all of
Your years to come; place on me all the blame
Hate me like I’ve wanted to
Do to you but never could and never would
But can only wish never came, that we’d never met
And never played such a game
So, hate me in word, in name
Hate me now, today; don’t ever look away
It’s alright to say
That you hate me, hate me, hate me this way
You Break Me
You hate me,
But I can't let you go
You played me
Like a game,
Like a pro
I had so many feelings
But how was I to know
I'm not gonna beg you
I'm not gonna try
To change your mind
There is no way
You could be happy enough
To stay
So I'll let you
Do your thing
For all of time
I can't let you go
In my head,
In my heart,
We had so many moments,
So many memories
That will never again
Be mine til when
You can start
To pull your head
From the ass
That I've been kissin’
For so long
My lips are frozen
Stuck to the cheeks
You're walkin’ away
Leavin’ me alone
And scared and afraid
And so weak
But you break me
You make me
Go so out of control
You hate me
And I really
Don't wanna let you go
So I won't
Cuz I can't
You'll live on
In everything in me
The reasons you are leavin’
Are kind of a mystery
But at least
You're endin’ all this misery
Cuz livin’ with you
May be worse
Than living without you
I'll find out soon
Maybe we've been together too long
Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed
I know I will miss those lips
I will miss those tits
I will miss that ass
But I'll also miss
The way you kiss
And the way you laugh
The way you smile
The way you frown
The way you can make me
So happy
When my world is upside down
So, I want you to know
Even though it's for the best
You're leavin’ me the worst
I'll be a total wreck
Like I was
When we first met
We'll both find someone else
And hate ourselves
And move on
Like we were meant to do
But every pulse
Every breath
Won't make me
Able to forget about you
But you break me
You make me
Go so out of control
You hate me
And I really
Don't wanna let you go
So I won't
Cuz I can't
You'll live on
In everything in me
The reasons you are leavin’
Are kind of a mystery
But at least
You're endin’ all this misery
Cuz livin’ with you
May be worse
Than living without you
I'll find out soon
Maybe we've been together too long
Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed
You break me
You break me down
You break me up
Into so many pieces
I'll never be enough
Of a man
To be worth a damn
Cuz you've ruined
What I had left
You break my heart
You rip out my soul
You tear me apart
With no part of me that's whole
You break me
You break me down
You used to lift me up